Alone (In The Shadows)
Locked in a world with no direction and no inspiration. These people are lost acquaintances that I knew in another time. I am walking outside in a world that is painted strictly black and white. I began favoring solitude, but it was only my faulty mind- that led me to believe that I would be happy, alone with no mankind. After a century of walking alone and talking to myself, I realized the bigger picture, I fucking hate myself. If I was born to be alone, then I hope I die alone. No inspirational funeral speeches and no motivational songs. I want you to remember me for what I was: mute, unhappy, and dead. I did this to myself. I am a martyr to the loneliness. Living inside my head, inventing a colorful adventure in this colorless wasteland. You thought I was happy, but you are a fool to my disguises. I am a misanthrope like the gorgon Medusa dwelling in her damp cave. I am a slave to your humanity, but “she” keeps me alive. She is my respiratory system that helps me breathe- in this fucked up world, that I want to leave.
You had two kids, why favor one over the other? You make me feel like a science experiment, compared to my brother. I just wish that I could talk to you, because everything is a joke in your clown world that will one day go up in smoke. Writing this feels like I’m spitting venom. I know that you will never fathom what I just wrote, because serious emotions are just a joke in your clown world that will one day go up in smoke.
Emptiness, the one who will not let go of the happiness imprisoned inside my soul. You gave birth to me, so what do YOU want me to be? A blasphemer for my opinions or a machine for mediocrity? I’m tired of being your place-holder puppet to make your perfect family complete. I am the hollow, porcelain doll who just has a smile drawn across his cheeks. So many hands try to pull my strings to make me do their worldly things. I don’t comprehend with a human mind. I am something else. I am one of a kind.
I feel cheated. Sheltered and mistreated. They wanted me to follow a failure’s path, but I’m still not defeated. I can’t be conquered. He’s not my father. He injected me with this incurable curse, and I can’t go any farther. This life was so unguided, unsupervised, and unstoppable. To push me into a society where I would be so lost and so vulnerable.
Well, I took the time for granted and hid in the shadows, where I lamented. Just like the walls that my parents raised to barricade me inside this safe. I’m looking out of the darkness and observing all the things that you do. I envy your normality. I wish you would befriend someone like me...because I’m misunderstood and there is a fire inside my heart. It wants to spring out of my soul and tear your whole damn world apart. I’m just so tired of being ugly, but I can’t help how I came out. An insecure, apathetic, baby born of the dark. I just feel all alone, but the darkness doesn’t make me scared. I have become one with the shadows and all of its despairs. We are all puppets whose strings are tied to past regrets and fabricated lies. You have to be fighting for what you believe in, if you are still alive. And it felt like I inhaled the Armageddon. Like good and evil was fighting inside, and through the trials and tribulations, I knew only the strongest men survive.
