Life Update 12/21/11

I woke up today and something inside me said it was time to write this blog; This writing began in my head several weeks ago. Since my last life update, my life has changed drastically, From a seven-year breakup to a noticeable change in my lifestyle. I am still a part of the same person I once was, but the weaker half of me has regretfully died at the hands of a society and a family that wanted me to conform. My rebelliousness and dedication is the will that allows me to rise in the morning. So many people are dead to me now, but many ambitious people have risen in their place. I have sent many of my demons back to sleep in the graves from which they came. There was once a war zone brewing inside me, now, there are just personal battles. I feel that I am gazing at the world with a new pair of eyes; Everything is observed with a new perspective. I am seeing things that I have always seen, but I am recognizing and comprehending them in a new way.

I have been traveling on an endless journey of self-discovery, exploring the recesses of my mind for answers on WHOM I am, WHO I want to become, and WHY I am here. Many of you might have a simplistic answer to some of these questions, but I have been delving into the innermost part of my brain and attempting to safely extract all of the answers. Reminiscing on the past, I am remembering many regretful actions that I have made within this past year. I have grown fearless of some of the dangers breeding in our world. Without a companion, I’ve grown less co-dependant. I’m at my strongest point yet. I’m in no rush to find a significant other. Some days, a hopeless feeling comes over me and tells me that I will be alone forever. I’ve always wanted to complete someone and have them complete me like the lost pieces of a great puzzle. Life is so strange, when you meet someone that you like, you run out of words, and then they have just ran out of your life.

College is taking my mind off of some personal issues and helping me direct my time in a more positive direction. But since I’m a perfectionist, school is consuming more of my life than it should be. There are many weeks that I cut everyone out of my life and I disconnect myself from the world. Sometimes I need to let my mind rest, but I choose to do extra credit; There is a nerd living inside of me. lol Since I don’t have a job, I feel that if I don’t put ALL of my effort into school, and I don’t have all A’s, I have somehow failed at life. I’m going through these semesters very quickly, and I am already trying to peer into the future, but I don’t know what I want to major in. Sociology helps me study society. Psychology helps me study the mind. Writing is my main passion. And I have always wanted to teach on a focused subject.

This ^ is a screenshot of Zelda: Skyward Sword for the Nintendo Wii. 35+ hours of my life has already went into this game. It is the best Zelda game so far.

I am on facebook quite a bit because I play some of these facebook apps, religiously. (The Sims: Social and Restaurant City) Between school, I get some chances to play video games, but I’ve had a hard time trying to focus on my writing. I’m gonna find a way to perfect my time restraints; you are gonna see me post more creative writings and updates on my newest novel. Hopefully this blog will jumpstart the creative process. Earlier this semester, I submitted three of my writings to The Mosaic (a pamphlet distributed through Motlow campuses.) Hopefully, they will be printed. *crosses fingers* My body has been feeling really weak lately, so I started back doing my daily exercise routine. As much as I like having friends, I learned that I require a lot of “alone” time. I text people back sometimes, but texting seems like too much effort to say what I’m really wanting to say. And I rarely call people because I’m afraid they are busy and I would be interrupting their life. It comes down to a confidence issue. I hope this blog gave you some insight to who I am. - Brandon Defiance

A Curse Upon Our Love (She’s A Keeper)

A Curse Upon Our Love (She’s A Keeper)

Child of lies, point your sword up to starry skies. Yeah. Yeah.

And if you ever need a gun to shoot the fixed constellations...

Don’t hesitate. Don-Don’t hesitate.

Red moon fill thy eyes black with hate.

Don’t hesitate. Don-Don’t hesitate.

The lover inside shall hibernate- in a primal, animal, sedated stage.

She’s a keeper. My little, bitty creeper. Had her life for sacrifice, but now I wanna keep her.

She’s a keeper. My little, bitty creeper. Had her life for sacrifice, but now I wanna keep her.

In the chill of winter’s night, I sit alone on a jagged mountainside.

On her back, I shall ride as my sight adjusts to her nocturnal way of life.

Through the thicket, through the marsh of flies, creatures of the full moon shall arise.

Hunters seek the witch that they despise, behind the burning lust of her monstrous disguise.

Run baby, run. Daylight has died. The townsmen want you, dead or alive.

Run baby, run. Darkness arrived. Will their children be safe, and will you survive?

Every time my beauty transmutes into a beast, I fall out of her arms and our love grows weak.

I don’t know what the demon inside of her seeks, but I let her rape more than she will eat.

Every time my beauty transmutes into a beast, I fall out of her arms and our love grows weak.

And while my hairy lady feeds, I beat her prey to silence their murderous screams.

Run baby, run. It’s not too late, to reverse this spell-bound, cursed state.

In my dreams, I always see your face, but your howls over town makes me awake!

She’s MY little, bitty creeper. Had her life for sacrifice, but now I wanna keep her.

She’s MY little, bitty creeper. Had her life for sacrifice, but now I wanna keep her.

I cannot help that my heart is tied to a beast that is my bloodthirsty bride.

Child of lies, I shall forever be your mortal knight. Yeah. Yeah.

And if I ever need a gun to shoot this fucking abomination...

I won't hesitate. Won- Won't hesitate.

She is my bestial doll, and I’m just werewolf bait.

I won't hesitate. Won-Won’t hesitate.

Move the finger, pull the trigger. (I keep telling myself.) I love you. I love you.

Sweet sacrifices at low sins and prices. I love you. I love you, earthborn monster. Heart-attack maniac. Deviant, moon demon. Lustful, wildebeest goddess. I surrender and present my bare body to thee. The only witnesses shall be the evil trees. Take me! Bite me! But don’t forget, this pistol is loaded with a silver bullet.

Insects & Robot Brains

Insects & Robot Brains

There’s spiders in the galaxy. One, Two, Three. Their cobwebs catch the dreams of the uninspired earthlings. Starving their bodies while they are deep asleep, humans are conformist who just need to eat...something original, something motivational, something inspirational...something unique.

Smear makeup over the cut places. Cover up what life did to all of your faces. It’s so magnificent how the human skin will repair the tears etched far within. Well, if you’re not pretty, then you are ugly, get plastic surgery because society will judge thee. It’s all about how your face developed since you were a baby. So, come out as a movie star if you ever wanna feel complete.

Look at the prestigious checking out the prey- beneath florescent lights and authority. Delicious works of God are prone to cavities. His tools will fill their voids with silvery mercury.

The dentist will spread you open. He’ll spread you open wide. Part those curious lips and let the doctor inside. Surrender the locked mouth to the latex hand. You were born as the sex to be harnessed as a slave to man.

A journey to find yourself. Quit trying to be somebody else. Because the lower that you go, you descend into a labyrinth- that only you know. Savoring the sweet absinthe. A black sky made of crows. Your conscience is absent. The rivers of poison overflow. The earth is dead. The clock is ticking. You’re wasting your chances to be anything aspiring. Quit being silent, There’s so many things worth saying. Will the world know who you are before you start decaying?

I’ve been smothering on a planet. I’ve already picked out my casket, but something tells me that I’m worthy to be something permanent. My life is not immortal. I’m swimming out of a gravitational pull with floating, dead astronauts and their abandoned space shuttles. Swirling into a whirling, unending oblivion. The life forms on this planet are as distant as aliens.

The satellite signals are warping our embryos’ minds. The gun-vermin-t are wasps gathering dirt to secure their hives. We are six-legged insects that are programmed to consume- anything that the mindless flowers produce. Hanging from silk threads, wriggling in our cocoons. I feel the gentle crawling of the starving, brown recluse. How could the situation get worse? I finally broke loose, and fell toward the blinking lights of the technological universe. Just don’t comply with the robots’ computerized brains. We don’t need a remote control to move. We don’t need to be maintained.

-Sir ßane Ðefiance

(we do not own the rights to the image above.)

Fossil Heart

Fossil Heart

The landslide wouldn’t subside, and I watched her earth turn inside-out.

It’s not your fault, and it isn’t mine. One day you’ll forget what loves about.

An ending of a story. A legacy lowered into the ground.

Too much damage from a spiteful tongue can spread until the cancer has won.

I bid farewell to the beacon of demons shining through your lighthouse soul.

And when you get old, alone and cold, I hope our lost love haunts you...like a ghost.

And why not choke on the sorrow building inside your throat- because this ring is a memento of your... biggest mistake. Twirling down the staircase of this...downward spiral. Will she follow the normal...family cycle?

The world will eat you if your edible. People will leave you because you’re forgettable. The medicine will sustain you because you’re not able. We’re all alone and unstable.

Why find a significant other when people are evil, and will find another? My heart is ready for betrayal. I can only hope, but will always fail.

Slide your sword out of my heart. Let me bleed into the dark. It’s hard to stare into you face.

Words leave thy mouth and then decay. This one last kiss shall dismiss the love that I once knew. Remember I was there until the end, until the anger overtook you.

Across dark, waving waters that carry her angelic hymns, the emerald-eyed siren conquers the lover within. Drowning the hearts of sailors that fell from their ships. I once enjoyed the destruction at the end of her lips...You may have the world beneath your oceanic trance, but I walk across the water for one last, vengeful dance...

Well, I’m a fool, but who is singing the riddle, siren?...So miserable? Who’s the scaly monster, tyrant?...So innocent? Then, why does my pistol frighten?...You’re all alone, but who made the ripples, You’re lying, your lying to me...Your hiding somebody.

I’m frozen in place like a tree with a face, observing their race and destructive ways. How could I be forsaken? The truth was taken and forged into your own, personal weapon. Pick up your axe and chop at my skin. Finish me off, don’t let the world win. I was mistaken to choose you, sick maiden. Just kill me, or the pollution shall fossilize my unwanted heart, again, siren.

-Sir ßane Ðefiance

(we do not own the rights to the image above.)

The Kingdom of Martyrdom

(Music lyrics that have been forming inside my head for months. This satirical song is about martyrs and where they go when righteous/religious drones murder them. It's an abusive marriage between Science and Religion. It's an anthem that anticipates the return of all martyrs. (Example: Matthew Shepard, Princess Diana, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., John Lennon, Joan of Arc, Jesus Christ, etc.) Those who have sacrificed their lives because they 'thought with their own mind.' Throughout time, martyrs have made this earth more livable and less savage.)

The Kingdom Of Martyrdom

Survival of the fittest. Revival of the menace. Darwin law. (Darwin law.)

Choose to populate, or recreate the fate of your downfall. (Your downfall.)

While they are being saved by the rapture they have made, will you evolve? (Evolve?)

The origin of the ape. The secrets of the snake. Where they all wrong? (All wrong?)

Because you’ve been loaded down into- the revolving chamber of the gun.

And they will always shoot you out- in whatever direction that they want.

Into The Kingdom of Martyrdom. Into The Kingdom of Martyrdom. The Kingdom come.

Cells making babies. Germs spreading disease. I’ll bring down goliath to shivering knees. Stone the non-believers. We’re aroused by desperate pleas. Our Religion is eternal, your Science is obsolete.(Eat. Eat.)

(Kingdom!) Behead them. Burn them. (Kingdom!) They questioned...our system. (Kingdom!) Silence. Dethrone them. (Kingdom!) They questioned our...SYS-TEM!!!

You thought with your own mind. Exterminate their kind. Conform or you must DIE! (Die. Die.)

You thought with your own mind. Exterminate their kind. Conform or DIE! (Die. Die. Die)

Because you’ve been loaded down into- the revolving chamber of the gun.

And they will always shoot you out- until they’ve sent someone...into the Kingdom of Martyrdom. Where righteous murders are shunned. The Kingdom...COME!!! The Kingdom...COME!!!The Kingdom...COME!!! The Kingdom...COME!!!

You thought with your own mind. We murdered our own Christ. Conform or DIE! (Conform or DIE. Conform or DIE...)

-Sir ßane Ðefiance

(We do not own the rights to the images above.)

The Sadistic & His Blank Page

This creative writing was written in song form. It's between a young boy and his blank piece of notebook paper. He is a quiet boy in class, but in solitude a different side comes out . He uses his imagination to believe that a mere sheet of paper is a living organism, and he gets gratification by inflicting pain on it. I visit the perspective of both the child and the paper, the writing tells the rest. Toward the end, controversial ideas take over. The boy doesn't know it yet, but he is defined as a young sadist. Read further to explore the dark, deranged atmosphere of my twisted mindset. Remember that everything I write deals with something in my own life. -Brandon Davis (Sir ßane Ðefiance)

The Sadistic & His Blank Page

(The Sadist:)

Blank page, erase the pain that I’ve endured today. Blank page, erase all the days in a life I’ve overstayed. Blank page, through the forest they chop down the trees and recycle our oxygen for just another...blank page. I need your space to confide my tragedies, a slab of clean skin that I can inject my disease. Blank page, I need to fold and burn your body, please. Let me sacrifice your life and free up some...blank space.

I’m talking to you now, blank page. I’m carving my pencil into you now. Erase all the pain I’m burdening today and don’t judge me for the sins I tattoo on your face.

(The Page:)

I am so...so fragile, and they cut me with their scissored hands. Who are they? What are they? They are the society of man. Tape me up and make me complete. They’re nothing, but numbers on a receipt. Tape me up into one piece. I’m wrinkled and torn and adorned with a crease.

Adorned with a crease!

(The Sadist:)

Masochist, bow down to my sadistic ways. I shall submit the hurt and you will savor the pain. Slaves will throb and they will ache for the love to obey. *whispers* Repeat after me...Repeat after me...

(The Page:)

Scribe your ink...violently... upon the blank lines of my paper-folded heart. I was once your love letter, to make your world better, but little miss muffet reopened the scars. Tape me up and make me complete. They’re nothing, but spiders wanting to feed. Tape me up into one piece. The hole-puncher's wounds is the only quality...that’s making us holy.

That’s making us holy!

Soaked up your salty tears, the only friend of mine. Just pray to a messiah that the world will invent in time! The government loves biblical mythology; It keeps the cattle in line! But it remains to be seen if it will stop the machine at the end of their succulent lives! Their planet and brains appear so hollow. In the rapist’s embrace, you might as well SWALLOW! And drink all the guilt and regret from the unresponsive mind of the sex addict! SEX ADDICT! SEX ADDICT!

On their roadside signs they will just devise another hook to lure the calves in with just another book. AND ALL BOOKS ARE JUST ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKING...BLANK PAGE!!!

(The Sadist:)

Through the forest they chop down the trees and recycle our oxygen for just another...blank page. I need to fold and burn your body, please. Let me sacrifice your life and free up some...free up some...blank space.

I’m talking to you now, blank page. I’m carving my scalpel into you now. Erase all the pain I’m burdening today and don’t judge me for the sins I tattoo on your face. YOUR FACE! YOUR FACE! YOUR FACE! YOUR FACE!