Something Dark (In Here)

There’s something dark in here. The gate pushed open without my permission. There’s something dark in here. The latch unfastened from its secure position. There’s something dark in here. Inside this strangling atmosphere. My heart jumped from my chest. And left blood marks on my writing desk. Something dark lives here. Harmful eyes glare from a forest thicket. Well, something malign crawled from my mind. And it was unplanned this time. What once lived beneath my childhood bed, Now lives rent-free inside of my head. Something dark lives here. It came to fruition when I got old Something dark lives here. It took root inside my insecure soul. Mr. Something Dark In Here, Just how did you get to this place? Have you been following me throughout my entire life? You remind me of a monster from my darker days.

Bed

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, and the monstrosity that resides.

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, when the crazy comes to life.

There’s a disconnection from reality when he looks into my eyes.

There’s a serial killer inside that brain that turns my sunny days to night.  

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, and let the monsters invade my skin.

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, because hell isn’t where I’m living.

A decapitated head sits upon his vanity. He loves his dog and family.

But Still, a decapitated head sits upon his vanity and gazes in the

cracked mirror within.

So, I’m not gonna go to bed with it and reproduce some childlike monsters.

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, because I will not feed its hunger.

I’m not gonna go to bed with it, because I’m better than this shit.

You had been keeping me down, down in your underground.

You made your bed, so now lie in it.

Naturally Selected

Nothing I am

Something I'll be

Materialized

Rejected

Biologically Targeted

Naturally selected

Failure-oriented

The Good Gene

Miscalculation

The Bad Gene

Initiation

Tracked by Fate

Tricked by Love

Loved by hate

A Picasso Creation

Artistically Misshapen

Amorphous

Dead on Arrival

Unfit for survival

Curious, Envious, Hideous

Blue Eyes, Blond Hair

Blue Eyes, Blond Hair

Blue eyed, Blond hair

Mistake.

She shouldn’t have spread her legs.

Look what sprung out of my head.

Now were slaves to the corporation.

We begin losing when we’re born.

I am just a ghost inside the skeleton.

My failures in life are Jesus’s porn.

Blue eyed, Blond hair.

Waste.

He should have came upon her belly.

Saved a little embarrassment.

I’m living as your little reminder

That making kids won’t make a family.

You were lost. He tore you down.

How the fuck is birthing me gonna make you found.

Blue eyed, Blond hair.

Fate.

You should have let it not digest.

Born with the perfect stomach.

I should not be here right now.

I should be sleeping six feet down.

I never chose to compete.

He’s the one you wanted.

I’m the black sheep.

Sex is like a game of rushing roulette.

You can always pull the trigger, but never know what you’ll get.

Deep Journal Entry 2/2/2016

Ever since I was born I had a hatred in my heart, not sure what for, but it burned. I’ve had hatred for so many things in my life: humanity and myself. As an innocent child with blue eyes, I could never have prepared myself for the true reality of it all. The adults that spoke down to me with a soft voice back then are now the same ones trying to rape me: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in adulthood. I wish I was naive and unaware again. But hate, I only hated myself because I thought I was a curse from God sent here to suffer for humanity. But I don’t think I’m a truly hateful person or hoping that it doesn’t identify who I am or how you see me. This hatred is reserved for humanity as a whole. It won’t let me live the way that I would like to. When I go to a mall, for example, I just see dishonest people in the middle aisles trying to sell their problems to me. I look at them and see business numbers and quotas behind their kind demeanor and smiles; I see corporate america slashing at their backs with cracking whips. When I drive down the road and see cars pulling up at the local loan establishment, all I can see is Satan. He is there, dipping his foot in the stream of this person’s life and poisoning their family’s water supply. When I’m in a busy Walmart parking lot on Sunday, right before church hours, a woman stops traffic to walk toward my vehicle, I say to myself, why is natural selection working so slowly? Not just for her, but for me, one who harbors hatred in his heart.
If I ever let you see with my eyes and feel with my heart, you would run away screaming. Every new day is a job for me, I wake up and battle with myself. I battle my counterproductive brain and all it won’t let me forget. You, him, her. It doesn’t stop. A flickering slideshow of dead memories. The only time I am truly happy is when I’m around him and my dog. Many of my family are dealing with their own versions of hell. They cannot see me through the clearing of the flames. When it rains I am happy, it calms everything down. Helps me forget a little. When a lightning storm rumbles the ground outside it matches the destruction in my heart, sounding as if its destroying the earth around me. And here I am, full-circle, back to the hatred that I was born with - that hatred inside my heart.
- Brandon Defiance

Home Town

Home Town

Born and they grew in the soil of their kin.
Born and they grew as they followed the dead.
Dreams ripped from seams from the roots of their kind.
Dead flower beds (withering inside.)                                                                                                       

Born and they grew. Born and they grew. Born and they grew. 
Born and they grew. I used to look like you. Be like you.
If you only knew. (Only knew.) 
                                                                                                  
I watched them rip Dahlia to shreds. 
Winged creatures that flew out of my head.
She had a stick up her back so the crows could pick 
the straw of lies from the bitch on the crucifix.

Born and they grew, but SHE gave in. 
So pretty. It's a pity. She'll die a Christian.
One day she'll be saved by her oppressive faith.
And grow in the field that her hometown made.

She was my roadside genocide triggering the end times. 
Eyes of a Gemini slithering like serpentine. 
Roadside genocide triggering the end times. 
Eyes of a Gemini slithering... DEEP INSIDE!

Because deep inside this barren earth,
the saplings grow for bitter worth.
Insects dissect their hopeless hearts
and sell their dreams as abstract art.  

Born and they grew. Born and they grew. Born and they grew. 
Born and they grew. I used to look like you. Be like you.
If you only knew. (Only knew.) 

Deletion

Deletion

Let’s reboot the system.

Let’s restart your life.

Kill the program running.

Your interface is broken.

Fragments of files are lost.

Your brain is corrupt.

You will be prompted to reformat...

And lose everything you’ve came to know.

They are just copies of loved ones.
Mirror (ghost) copies.
Screaming dead inside the sector.

There is a graveyard for YOU.

You are malicious and infectious here.

Wish to exit without saving, dear?

You are incompatible with this version.

Tired of being tested?

Let it successfully remove you.

The backup is coming.

You won't be restored - with the others.

You are not part of this SYSTEM.

The administrator hates you here.
You won't be restored with the others.
The backup is coming soon.