Sunday, August 24, 2014

Drunken Kiss



Drunken Kiss


Bright lights blind. We have no love to sell.
You gave it all away. I meant every word.
I wanted you to stay. Eyes on you now.
Pretend I’m not even here. Perhaps another swig
of this five dollar beer...

Bright lights blind. The seventh circle of hell.
Beasts lust for you. I don’t even care.
Have your fun tonight. Dance me away.
I wish I could have gave you a romantic
twenty-second birthday.

Perhaps a goodnight kiss back at the motel?
Perhaps a goodbye kiss as you drive away?
You said I’m not corrupt like them.
I will always be the same.
Would our drunken kisses taste any different
if we were both sober and sane?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Life Update 5/11/14

Disclaimier: This blog is going to a personal place inside the darkest crevices of my mind and soul.



Attack of the Killer B's

     I finished year three of big boy college and have one left to receive my bachelors. The transition from Motlow to MTSU went extremely well (I met really good friend, Autumn Chatwood.) And today I can say that I'm unsure if I'm going to pursue a master's degree because I'm a 'lil burnt out. It has already been recorded that I'm going to make two B+'s this semester, which I'm a little ashamed to admit. To me, this is an important life lesson that no one can be perfect. I had suicidal thoughts from making the B's, and I know that is stupid, but the feeling was very real for me. It almost feels that school is all I got going for me because I'm a little weird in social world, and later I am going to emphasize on that. 



These Hips Do Lie

   I weigh 240 ibs and feel like a cow! If I go to India they will worship me; if I go to the beach, sea world will capture me. It's a lose-lose situation. I don't want to be praised nor slaved for entertainment. These hips do lie because I'm 6" 4ish and the weight is proportioned throughout. I have an unrealistic goal of losing 60 pounds this summer. I'm sweetening my tea with honey, Walking, Using Wii Fit, Forgetting cokes exist, etc. If anyone wants to go walking with me or work out, I'm down. This Summer I'm more serious than ever about this. 


Cinder Blocks + Chicken Fingers =

   Cinder Fingers got published (finally!) and is picking up a little outside interest. I have roughly sold around twenty copies. Booksignings and a kindle version will be a thing in the distant future to help catapult awareness and interest. No one in my household will read my novel, so I have little support here and a brother that jokes, "everyone needs a new, expensive drink coaster."  Currently, I am writing on my newest novel that is more fantasy-based which is less dark. Think of an more mature Alice in Wonderland meets The Chronicles of Narnia. The setting takes place upon the shores of Honolulu, which I might need to visit one day to fully capture the livliness of the scenes.




   Everyone with a google or youtube account, Subscribe! ^^^! I am seriously commited to creating a youtube channel with everything from: video blogs to game reviews and walk throughs to funny videos. I need your support. :) I currently only have three videos: one stupid one with my cats, me recording a church protest on campus, and a trailer promoting Cinder Fingers. The numbers are going to grow throughout Summer. This dusty hd camera is finally going to get some use.

Who is Brandon Defiance?
   
   This is a question I want to clear up for you. I have a very complex answer for you that will leave you thinking I'm crazier than you thought I was before you started reading this... I could just be manic depressive. I don't think I'm bipolar, because that condition is reserved for crazies like my ex. I could be creatively labeling my moods into different egos, or I could have a small case of Multiple Personality Disorder.

 In my head, my birth name, Brandon Davis, is the name of the first personality I'm going to talk to you about. Davis is an insecure (sometimes depressed) man that many people made fun of in school. He is a total nerd with only a handful of friends. If it wasn't for him accepting his sexuality, he wouldn't be here writing this now. He is very insecure about his body like mentioned above, and believes that if he looked perfect, then society would accept him for his shortcomings. He is apathetic about religion and just wants everyone to be treated equally. He is a caring friend that makes jokes to help people forget about their problems. He is responsible with his money and has his life planned out.   
 
 My second personality, Sir Bane Defiance, is a personality I have struggled with for a while now. Defiance was first triggered through an act of rebellion. He is overly confident/arrogant and believes he is an important role in the endtimes of the bible. He despises organized religions and believes that a war is brewing to take him down. He views the world in a satirical, sadistic fashion and feels he can manipulate people that are against him. He is the embodiment of anger and hatred. So, Brandon Defiance is what I'm calling myself now because I believe I am in a state of equilibrium between these two personalities. They are constantly fighting inside of me trying to take control and sometimes one of them wins. I hope you like me the same after I told you this.


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          -Brandon Defiance

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Secure in Sodom

Secure in Sodom

When he holds me tight, I feel secure in his grasp.
The warmth radiating between us is passion.
When I turn around and face his beautiful eyes,
I’m lost for words in the path of his stare. 

Mom said it was wrong, but it felt so right
to kiss his lips and explore the mystery.
His clean-cut hair and muscular build 
was a reflection of all the jocks I stared at in school.

I longed for male acceptance growing up, thanks dad.
I remember the long walks down the school halls, 
hearing echos of “you, fucking faggot!” Is it bad that these 
things surface on lonely nights such as these?

However, I did not want to recreate Sodom and Gomorrah. 
I love him and want to lie beside him forever.
When he touches me, I am frozen with peace. 
So, why do I feel like Anne Frank hiding from the Nazis?

It’s because of them. It’s that time again.
The church bells are toiling, and I feel their eyes
fixed on my second floor window. They are coming to 
get me. They must have read Leviticus 20:13 again tonight.

Footsteps slowly crept up the apartment staircase.
With the help of their Malleus Maleficarum,
they will surely rip me from my sheets and burn me 
as a witch. They burn anything they don’t understand.

The gentle knock that greeted my door turned into
violent bangs. “Baby, let me inside.” It was my lover’s voice.
With hesitation, I unlocked the screechy knob. 
A heartfelt hug assured me that I was secure here in Sodom.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Lost Cottage


Lost Cottage

When he walked across the floor, 
the squeaky planks creaked.
The rays of light in between 
danced upon our lifeless cheeks.
I think any sane person would 
have already chose death.
But her ghost whispers secrets
that she will soon draw breath.

Her hair was like dirty strands of grass
that was weathered by the rain.
Her skin was made from the barren soil 
that was patted before her grave.

The striking pupil in her eye 
stared up through a serpent hole.
It was an invitation to join her 
in the mausoleum down below.

For I think she dances in a masquerade
in a glittery gown stitched of red.
These ideas bloomed in the subconscious,
past the gunshot wounds in her head.

She crept up from the cellar that night 
and was very shortly caught.
We all cried out for the worse as 
we heard the roaring gunshots.

We are but kidnaped children 
in these forgotten woods.
Grown up now. Alive, somehow. 
Bound under the floors where 
his cottage stood.

While he’s laughing, we are crying.
The child souls inside us, slowly dying.
You know when he holds down your wrist,
you can escape by sleep but never escape his scent.

If I could free my hands, 
I would grab that sharpened pipe.
If she would awake from her coma, 
we could escape by tonight.
I have nightly fever dreams 
of freeing that pervert’s soul.
To finally look him in the eyes and say,
“how do you like squirming 
at the end of my pole?” 

Lost cottage up the hill, 
where boys and girls endure their hell.
Lost cottage, I know you will,
conceal the crimes of this infidel.

For we’ll be ghosts before the eclipse.
And haunt you before life leaves those lips.
You might think you have this life made.
But in death we’ll eat your soul 
like Happy Birthday cake.

-Brandon Defiance
(we do not own the rights to the images posted above.)

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Pretty Flower


















Pretty Flower

The moment nurse Joy gave me my meds,
I remembered sitting upon the rocky mountaintop with Gloria .
The breeze was combing through the emerald blades of grass.
The sky was vibrant as a sapphire with the
sun being but an orb cloaked by the smokey trails of jets.
Cheerful birds chirped over the rushing water of a
distant stream. It was quiet enough for animals to explore
beyond their rocks. How I would love to lie in a patch of this
swaying grass and go to sleep forever.

But no, the pill kicked in and my body was not ready
for the side effects. Gloria violently slipped
and rolled down the mountain and hit her head on a sharp
rock. The red paint where her head once laid haunts me.
I tied her body in vines and placed her in the cold, cavern passage
hidden northwest of here. So romantic.
Maybe one day she will grow into a flower that
would pierce through the tip of this very mountain.

Soon after, a bolt of lightning struck down from the heavens.
A roaring forest fire ate at the twisted thicket behind me.
The animals grabbed their young to search for a more promising
home. I was freezing from the raindrops that felt like
stinging icicles.

I looked up at nurse Joy screaming my name through
the glass separating us. She’s one of my biggest fans.
As I was telling the story,
I drew the mountain for nurse Joy upon the plexiglass.
But I cannot stop this red paint from squirting
from the cuff of my shirt.
“Jesus, where is the green paint so I can add detail?, amen.”
The art show will start at any second. I always love how they
knock down my door just to view my paintings.
I think Gloria would appreciate the fame I’m getting now as well.
I wonder if her undiscovered body ever grew into that
pretty flower.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Shadow House

Shadow House

Down a rocky driveway camouflaged by the forest,
A shadow stretched from a house, the one that I lived in.
She gave birth to me on a cold, Winter day.
And raised me up in a shade of secrecy.

Innocent blue eyes and sandy blonde hair.
As a boy, I would gaze into the sincerity of their eyes.
Wanting to know if their intentions were real.
But feelings were numb, maybe I just needed a hug.

To feel something, because this emptiness did not suffice.

One day I thought, “maybe this isn’t real.”
These shapes, this grass, these skies...
It’s just a disguise for the reality I’m making
inside my head.

After a Summer rain shower,
I would lace up my rain boots and stand in a mud puddle.
I slowly sank a few inches into the earth, but it wasn’t enough.
I wanted to leave here. I knew there was a place beyond this.

And as I grew tall as a flower in Spring,
the confusion inside this house thickened.
The weeds loomed over me. Devastating.
They were nice, and then they were mean.
“Why are you hitting me!?”I cried.

“What are you doing with that knife under your bed?” She screamed.
“I was just carving a pumpkin, ma.”
“But Halloween is over. Take off the mask and be a normal boy!”
I answered, “But I cannot. This mask hides me from monsters 
like you and daddy.”

Our pumpkin patch grew high that Fall. I carved a face in them all to escape reality.
Glowing like the fire of a pyromaniac, my jack-o-lanterns lit the foggy streets.
Equipped with rain boots, mask, and cape, I walked to each neighbor’s house.
But a shadow stretched from that house, the one that I lived in.